Giving birth to love Written January 24 2011. 
The story of love and how it grows

In our 14 years of marriage God has brought or allowed several circumstances to come into our life that deepened our relationship although it was not always easy it gave birth to love to allow fresh new growth.

The very first birth of love is always one of your favorite memories. Ours started on a little farm owned by my mom and dad were the goats wore clothes and the turkeys sock because there heads kept turning blue, little did we know God made them do that. It was here that I a young girl found true love, for the first time. . It was to the boy that came to train my horse, He started out as one night a week then turned to twice then three times until it was every night , I finally asked him if he was coming for me or the horse, the answer I am sure you can guess. My mother moved him in with the boys to save on gas, which was an incredible experience for a spy fully monitored courtship. I totally would recommend this especially in big families, were the term” Big brother is watching” is a reality. My mother and sister helped him plan my very first valentine. It was in the home of my parents were love gave birth the first time. Courtship turned to promise then to engagement and a first kiss, then to our wedding day were love birthed again as tearful eyes made vows of eternal love and promises to share pain and sorrows that sang into the night to first loves dance in secret. Giving birth to love can be blissful like these memories are but it is often the pains of birth that make it grow the deepest the third time love gave birth was just 9 months from our wedding day. I was 7 month pregnant we lived at a hillbilly yacht club out in the stick. The weather was poor and the boats were banging as the winds tossed them into the dock. We went outside to pull in the dock some and secure it for the June storm. for some reason this night I had a lot of pain in my back just below my ribs and the wind just seemed to drive it in deeper .that night even a deep massage would not release it and by morning my back was black and blue with the memory of it, worried about taking too much Tylenol we decided to drive the hour and 45 min in to the doctor. The nurse tried to take my blood pressure but she could not make it work. After several cuffs, the doctor was sent in to try and he left the room too, but ashen faced coming back with admittance forms to the hospital.
Jeremy was sent home back to the yacht club. Later the doctor arrived at the hospital and informed me that he was sending me 14 hrs south to Vancouver. In the jet I remember seeing the sun set and being thankful that the attendant was entertaining Jeremy so that he would have less time to worry, as I could see he already was 
.After we reached the hospital the story gets blurry as off and on as my life slowly was slipping away you see my liver and kidneys were getting ready to explode my veins were having seizures and bleeding internally with every jostle and tap .induction, unconsciousness, convulsive seizures had stopped and I now lay dieing no longer were they trying anything as the only thing left was a c-section which could mean bleeding to death as my platelets were so low. It was our only and last chance and we demanded a section it was either death by doing nothing or die by trying to live. The first doctor told Jeremy “I hope you’re a praying man because I don’t think either will come out alive and anther asked him” which one do you want us to save“? We tearfully kissed and said our good byes never knowing whether we would share an embrace or a kiss or what the future held. I remember watching him weeping as they wheeled me away my heart broke for Jeremy but I was unafraid for my life because I was ok with what ever God chose even if I chose life because I new Jeremy needed me it was that moment as I watched him weeping and he kissed me good bye that love gave birth. A love so deep and yet so young but bearing such burden. The years went bye and love grew day by day. One day a normal doctor’s visit turned as we were informed that Jeremy had a tumor in the bone of his wrist it was just before Christmas and once again, we were holding love and embracing, unsure of the future. I watched as Jeremy forgave God finally for almost losing me three years earlier, cling, and cleave into God once again. The respect that I had lost for him because of his secret rejection of God blossomed into deeper love, as I saw God molding him just as I had been yearning and praying for. The birthing pains of this lasted for two years and several surgeries as every pain drew us closer and closer. In Gods goodness, the last surgery held and the tumor stopped growing. When you are giving birth, there is always a chance to catch your breath and ours lasted until Samuel turned six. We were living in a little cabin way back in the woods, and Jeremy was a hunting guide. One day he was brought home very ill I was informed that he had had a seizure and was found on the ground near his quad at the very place were the day before a grizzly had been attacking the decoy he had gone to retrieve.
At home he seamed irritated and grumpy as he stumbled around when all the sudden he fell to the ground and had a full blown grand mal seizure his face and toes were all that touched the ground and I watched helplessly as they recurred without hardly room to breath I was informed that if they did not stop he would die. For the next two months all alone in the cabin in the woods, I begged the Lord for his life, as he lay unconscious in a hospital an hour away, drugged only to hold back the seizures that refused to stop. Then one day, all was still, and God healed him and I received him back into my arms again ever grateful for his life. Little did we know how much God was blessing us as we learned that the meds he was on for the seizures had stopped us from conceiving. So God visited us and to our incredible joy and surprise, we conceived and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Wile Harmoney was still just a baby Jeremy slipped into the house putting his feet through the door in the x-rays we found out that the tumor was back and worse than ever. Our little Harmony learned to walk in the hospital that year. And love grew, stretched, and moaned in the dreadful 12 hours of waiting through a surgery that required removing his hand and putting it back on using the bone from his leg. Those hours of waiting could not have ever prepared us for the visual torment and mourning of loss. The pain of watching someone you love, the grieving of such deep loss of feeling like a man, and provider, going through agony. One day final he decided to fight and every muscle was beaten into submit ion as he determined to not let the statistics of a lifeless limb hold him down, painfully he force his fingers to move on the strings of his guitar commanding them to play until by Gods grace he was given full movement of the useless fingers, enabling him to play again without a wrist. the following summer God had us move to a bible camp were we conceived then lost the chances of holding baby but in it we grieved and grew and held fast to each other and to God and on the due date of that child we conceived again at the birth of this child we found out that my organs were fused together not allowing the baby to drop and be born so after 3 hours of surgery they reached the baby and after another 3 hours of repair I started hemorrhaging and in the depths of the night we gave my life to God and in his incredible mercies He gave it back, and the bleeding immediately stopped. Two years later another birth of a child has brought us into giving birth to love and this birth of love is very fresh as it came with stillbirth of a beautiful baby girl. Just this Christmas Eve. 2011 
The love that we birth in a marriage can either ruin us or draw us deep into each other’s arms it is in these moments that we must make a choice. often to me it seem that, how can I write a book on love and marriage when our marriage is still so young yet even in our youth God has blessed us with the opportunities that have tested our love and tried its truth and endurance in these stories that I have chosen to share as there are more, we learned in the trials and the joys that surround them just how precious love is and to embrace every moment so often the circumstances cloud our emotions and we find our selves crushing the very thing that we are longing for .in our anger and bitterness we build walls to protect ourselves only destroying the blessing that is being birthed through adversity. The bible talks so often of the pains of birth being the times that God uses to birth a great nation in those times of labor continue to cling to the hope that waits in the morning when the pain is soon forgotten and all that remains is the incredible blessings that were birthed through pain. Embrace the moments shared in intimacy with the love of your life and choose to embrace the pains along with joys as you walk hand in hand giving birth to incredible God given love.

Continuation - Peace Be Still!